March 04, 2005

(insert fear here)-phobic Anonymous

Me: Hi, my name is Natasha and I'm a paedophobic.
All: Hi Natasha!

Believe it or not, I'm paedophobic. I don't fear children in general. I'm just afraid of babies. Especially babies whose parents I don't know. There isn't a specific term for fearing babies, so paedophobia is like the closest. Anyway, lemme explain.

1. They're so fragile, they might just break.
2. They stare at you like they know you from the past. It's like they know your deepest, darkest secrets. It's scary.
3. I have no idea what to do or what facial expression I should make when a baby (especially whose parents I don't know) touches me or grabs my hair/specs/anything else. What, am I suppose to entertain it while it contributes to my thinning hair? Am I suppose to pry open its fingers and smile or give its parents that dirty look that equates to 'please entertain your own baby'?
4. I've no idea how to carry one.
5. Not all babies are cute and I, for one, have high standards for Baby Cuteness. I can't bring myself to pretend that a baby is cute when it's not.
6. When they cry, they make me feel like I'm the worst baby carrier ever. That seriously reduces my self esteem.
7. Saying a baby is cute does not mean that I like babies.
8. Do parents really like it when strangers fuss over their baby?
9. They have roaming, grabbing fingers.
10. Their mouths are perpetually filled with saliva.
11. Combine points 9 and 10. You get stuffs grabbed from you and straight into their gooey mouths.

I try to avoid babies, but sometimes, when I'm on a bus and there's a baby sitting either beside, behind, or in front of me, I get claustrophobic. God forbid, if there's one beside, behind and in front of me. Trauma..! That's because, the one behind can easily pull on my hair or ears or worse, earrings!; the one in front stares at you like they know you from somewhere; and the one next to me, saliva central!

Scary riiiiite.

luv, tash 10:57 PM